Consecrate thy afflictions for thy gain...?

We've all heard the adage "no pain, no gain", but looking at that with sexual abuse in mind just seems wrong on so many levels! That said, I'm now supposed to discover and extol the virtues and strengths that have come to me because of said sexual abuse. I have to admit that I'm having a hard time with that. I don't have an easy time labeling my strengths at the best of times, let alone ones that I have supposedly gained from the pain of abuse. I don't know if it is necessarily a strength, but I am good in a crisis. I can handle last minute craziness fairly well; I don't fall apart under pressure. The flip side to this is that I can't handle normalcy. I need things to be crazy in order to function. I guess that explains why I have seven kids! I couldn't handle one or two--I needed more in order for things to be chaotic enough for me to function at my best. If that isn't ironic, I don't know what is! Other than that though, I'm not sure what else I can say. I guess I am more compassionate; I don't judge as easily as many others, because I am all too aware that appearances are deceiving and that abuse is so much more prevalent than we might think. I tend to think "What happened to her to make her act like this?" where some might just say "Bitch!" and call it good. I'm patient with the normal chaos of life--kids running around and making noise, traveling with kids, getting stuck in traffic. I can keep a lid on my anger. I'm flexible. I adapt easily to changing situations. Are these things because of the abuse or would I be that way anyway? I don't know. I was a child when the abuse happened so most of my life is post-abuse. Nothing really remains untouched by the abuse, so separating myself (or my strengths and weaknesses) from it is virtually impossible. I don't really have a "previous setting" to revert to. It seems impossible to believe that I could be a better person because of the abuse than I would have been without it. I feel like I have lost so much and that the so-called "healing process" will take away everything else. What possible good can come of any of it?
I don't know, I just feel tired and scared and overwhelmed.